The Rising Unemployment Rate

Lo Jo, C.E.O. fires her ceiling fan who retaliates by blowing her to Mt. Doom. There, slopes grumble like nursing home residents slapped simultaneously during Bingo. A whistle-blower blows a balloon that pops loudly like a .44 Magnum. Nurse Jenny gets hit, yet survives due to her body armor.

Small business owner Emanuel Jenkins fires his gender and receives a French manicure. The fumes burn his eyes like what he saw inside a kitchen once at China Wok. A downsizing-related quarrel breaks out between the dinnerware and the floor, resulting in a bleeding foot parade.

Señor Tucan files for unemployment but gets disqualified for not being human. Devastated, he severs his wings, opens his first story window, and plunges to his death like a quadriplegic pool diver. The splash hits Lo Jo and her Wall Street Journal, peeving her so that she mails Gravity a death threat.

Making best of his job loss, Paul Carruthers plays a dog-on-a-leash that whimpers behind China Wok, but the pound captures him like a Chess strategist. The king signs the bill halting unemployment benefits in exchange for legalized human trafficking, yet the jobless rate continues to rise.