CLASSIFIED

An absolutely unbelievable BEYOND THIS WORLD secret of secrets has been uncovered so prepare yourself accordingly for this super-irresistible, ultra-sensational, extra-exotic, mega-exclusive, hyper-revolutionary, dazzlingly unique, and monumentally transformative MOST IMPORTANT MESSAGE IN HISTORY.

Are you seriously, positively, unmistakingly, and unquestionably ready for this RIGHT NOW? No ifs and buts about it, beyond a shadow of a doubt to the highest degree of your ability to reason so help you God?

If a LOUD and VERY enthusiastic YES PLEASE is the answer, then let the countdown begin.

5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

Your deathbed is right around the corner.

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